How to Evade a Hunting Ra'zac for Dummies
by SquirrelISDead0304
Summary: The self help guide for all races that flew, sailed, walked, or swam to Algaesia. With the exception of The Grey Folk seeing as they are no longer with us.
1. Dear Reader

**Author's Note: This one of those things referred to as a Crack Fic and that is essentially what this is. I came up with this idea while making coffee and began writing it while drinking coffee…. **

**Disclaimer: I do not the Ra'zac. I don't want to own a Ra'zac, but I would like to meet one….(help?)**

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**Introduction**

Dear Reader,

If you're reading this, please understand this book was perpetrated by our lack of coppers and insanity. This book will teach you how to escape a hunting Ra'zac, however the majority of the advice we offer is a prattle of dribble with no real educational value. We just thought the idea sounded really good and would earn us a few extra schillings.

This book also offers the reader a rare and unique lesson on Alagaesia's history via burlesque sarcasm and idiocy.

-the beggars at the corner of Squalid St and Haggard Ln. Dras-Leona, Alagaesia


	2. Timing and Terrain

**Author's Note: I must be incredibly bored to conceive of an idea like this, but here it is the second chapter. I hope you find it as ridiculous and silly as the previous one.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any aspect of the Inheritance Cycle.**

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**Time of Day and Terrain**

In order to properly evade a Ra'zac the first thing you must do is avoid them at all costs. This is the simplest and safest approach, to avoiding an unfortunate encounter (for you). The Ra'zac on the other hand I'm sure will be thrilled to make your acquaintance. But, it's obvious that you have _not _avoided such an encounter because you just got jipped a pretty copper.

Since you have crossed a Ra'zac the first step you must take is determining the time of day at which you're being hunted. If you see a giant gold shiny thing in the sky its day time, a time the Ra'zac loath to be out in. If there are twinkly things and a big round silver thing it's night time and you're as good as dead. Just drop the book and beg that you're death be a quick one.

_Night Time:_

Really, you're going to die, I don't know why you're bothering to read this. Seriously.

Unless… you happen to be in a boat on a lake or in the ocean, then there is a chance you will survive. This will be further elaborated on in the following pages.

_Day Time:_

If the Ra'zac are hunting you during the day, you either pissed them off, happen to be a dragon rider, or unfortunate enough to have come across a starving Ra'zac.

Regardless as to why they are hunting you, the fact that you've managed to cross them during the day means there is a thin sliver of hope for you yet.

Since we have established it is day time, the next thing to do is to establish terrain, as different tactics work in different climates and not in others.

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_Terrain_

The list below are the following geographical locations in Alagaesia this book references.

Hadarac Desert

The Ocean

The Air

Peasant Villages north of Uru' Baen (Carvahal)

Helgrind

Dras-Leona streets

Dras-Leona cathedral

The Woods or any Other Forested area.

Please bear in mind while you read, that this book was written to procure coppers from unwitting buyers and was written purely to entertain the reader as the advice offered is blatantly obvious common sense or utter nonsense, either way it is not recommended that this guide be taken seriously, and if you do happen to take it seriously we wish you the best.

This has been your last warning. From here on out you will be trapped within the confines of these pages, unable to look away.

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**Author's Note: and so the real fun begins. The following chapters, I promise will make the first two worth reading. The next chapter should be out, any time between today and tomorrow.**


	3. How to Evade a Hunting Ra'zac for Humans

**Author's Note: The reason I even started this writing this thing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Ra'zac.**

**How Evade a Hunting Ra'zac for Humans**

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_Night Time:_

The Ra'zac are nocturnal predators, gifted with optical, auditory, and olfactory senses far superior to that of a humans. On top of the fact that are every bit as fast, strong, and dexterous as elves are. They possess enough stamina to track their prey for long periods of time. But dispite the odds sorely stacked against any mere human there may be some hope for one if the terrain in which the Ra'zac are hunting it is advantageous to said human.

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_Terrain at Night:_

There are a number of places that even at night are suitable places to be hunted by a Ra'zac, however we do not pretend to be experts in the art of evading of Ra'zac, nor do we recommend that the following tactics be used at home or against an actual Ra'zac. As the authors of this book, we wish to remind the reader one last time, that this book was written to procure coinage from unwitting buyers, and was thrown together to provide entertainment, not actual advice.

But enough about that….

We will illustrate the proper and farfetched methods of utilizing the geography of various nocturnal landscapes starting with our least favourite: the ocean, and other bodies of water, and ending with our favourite: woodlands and forests.

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_The Ocean and other Bodies of water at night:_

It should be duly noted and never forgotten that the Ra'zac cannot swim, whether this is because they are weighed down by heavy exoskeletons or because they simply refuse to spend the money taking classes is unknown to the authors. However we suspect that the reason is the latter.

In any event rowing a boat into the heart of Leona Lake, or into the rushing water of a river or into the endless tides of the oceans, is nearly unfaultable Ra'zac proof method of escape.

Even if the Ra'zac on their parental steeds hover above you for hours on end they will not dare to dive at you in the unfortunate event that one of their precious pupae falls with a loud splash to its grizzly death.

It should be known that while suspended in any body of water, one has the perfect place from which to cast at the Ra'zac a series of taunts, mean names, invectives, and insults. "Crustacean," is particularly wonderful sure to make them fly home crying, other wondrous insults guaranteed enough to enrage them enough to dive bomb the boat coincidentally throwing them in the water include, but are not limited to; "Parsletongue, Blueblood, Lobster, and Stinker." Also note that anything pertaining to the Ra'zac's inevitable extinction on the shores of Alagaesia make for reason alternatives to mean names, invectives, and taunts.

We do not recommend this in any other geographical location and please note that we are not liable for any injuries you are liable to procure if you actually attempt to make them cry or accidentally drown themselves. Just because it we suggested it does not mean anyone should actually try this.

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_The Hadarac Desert at night:_

Because most of the desert is sand they will follow your tracks, they will find you, and you will die.

Or you can bury yourself in the sand and prey they don't find you, while you remain buried, suffocating, waiting for morning. The Ra'zac will leave the desert by the time morning arrives. It's extremely sunny during the day in the Hadarac desert, with the reflection of the light off of the glaring dunes below making it that much brighter. Bright light is extremely painful for the Ra'zac to endure and I doubt they'd want spend much time there.

You will rise from the sand, rubbing your irritated eyes, gasping for precious oxygen, only to be found slave traders who will take you to Dras-Leon, where you will be sold as a slave, and then you may be sent to the base of Helgrind at the bidding of a deranged deformed, armless priest to serve as the Ra'zac's dinner and you will die.

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_The Streets of Dras-Leona at night:_

Dras-Leona, a wonderful place full shining, happy, laughing, people, because they are deranged, or more likely; oblivious to the festering canker sore of a city they live in. If you're one of the people looking around at the decrepit dark wood houses, and brown clay daubed huts, and consider it to home, we will not help you. If anyone reading this thinks Dras-Leona is suitable home, we will tell the Ra'zac that you have uncovered Galbatorix's war plans and intend to pass your findings to the Varden.

However, if you're a poor unfortunate soul who by some terrible misfortune has wandered into our city, we of course will help you.

The city is the home and hunting ground of the Ra'zac. They know these streets better than the backs of their own hands. There is no place you can run and no lace you can hide at night where they will not find you.

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_The Cathedral at night: _

The cathedral is home to Dras-Leona's most notorious gods. It's the hub of all the underground works of Dras-Leonas inner workings. We of course are not privy to this information.

Built by a cult whose single purpose is to turn religion into torture, should you find yourself inside the cathedral at night, few chances of survival exist. The best option, is to convert: you will spend the rest of your life hacking off your limbs, wishing the Ra'zac would kill you, but at least you'll stay alive.

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_Woodlands and Forests at night:_

If being hunted in the woods by a Ra'zac at night, the best solution is to zig and zag through the trees. Periodically stop for pinecones, brances, armadillos, and whatever else is available and chuck it at your pursuers.

In our experience we have found possums to be perfect. Grab them their long naked tails and flail them over your head as if it were a flail and fling it at the Ra'zac as hard as you possibly can.

Startled and surprised by a squealing screaming flying fur ball they will leap aside providing you with a few more seconds of life. If you are incredibly lucky the possum will fly into the pursuing Ra'zac's hood, causing it stop and wrestle an enraged possum. There is no funnier sight than a squealing wriggling possum butt hanging out a screeching Ra'zac's hood.

Armadillos while not as entertaining to see hanging out of a Ra'zac's cowel is equally effective.

Remember that if no catchable possums or armadillos are available sticks and pine cones while not as nerve-wracking as squealing flying forest animals, can prove to be distracting to the pursuing Ra'zac.

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Day Time:

If the Ra'zac are hunting you during the day, you either pissed them off, happen to be a dragon rider, or unfortunate enough to have come across a starving Ra'zac.

Regardless as to why they are hunting you, the fact that you've managed to cross them during the day means there is a thin sliver of hope for you yet. Their eyes, as mentioned previously in the night-time desert scenario, are sensitive to light. They tend to track their prey during the day, by sound and smell.

Just as some terrain provides satisfactory coverage for humans at night, some land provides sufficient use for human survival during the day as well.

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_The Ocean and Bodies of Water during the day:_

When dealing with Ra'zac there is no better place to be than in the sea or large body of water during the day, as the water refracts and reflects the light upward, making the sun even more belligerent to towards the Ra'zac than it normally is.

If in a boat be prepared to jump into the water to avoid the beaks that bite and the claws that catch. Swimming is an option. The Ra'zac unless it has a death wish will not jump in after you.

If the boat you're on is in fact a ship we strongly recommend fireing a bow or ballista in their general direction. Anything flying through the air able to skewer them, will keep the Ra'zac and their mounts at bay. If they are beyond the rage of the bow or the ballista a good idea at the time would be go fishing for your next meal.

For further advice and other suggestions for using a watery topography to one's advantage please read _Oceans and Other Bodies of Water at night. _

_._

_The Hadarac Desert During the Day:_

There is no conceivable reason as to why the Ra'zac scramble into a _desert _in search of you. You either taste really good, or you did something horrendously awful to set them off. As briefly insinuated in the earlier _Hadarac Desert at night _the desert is bright and sunny, and as far the authors of this book are aware the Ra'zac don't like the sun, unless they've recently developed an affinity for sun bathing and charbroiling in their cloaks.

As far as we can ascertain, anyone who runs into a desert during the day is safe from the deprivations of any Ra'zac chasing them; leaving the pursued time to worry over how best to deal with the minor calamity of being sold as a slave in the Empire's market.

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_The Streets of Dras-Leona During the Day:_

If anyone reading this book considers Dras-Leona home, we will tell the Ra'zac where you live….

Even though the stars are no longer in the sky Dras-Leona is still the polluted cesspool the Ra'zac play in at night. They still know the streets like the back of their spiny clawed hands.

If a meeting with them is absolutely unavoidable, we suggest you cross them in the morning, as you can use the sun's influence on their deteriorating eyesight to run from them for a longer period time. We recommend running out of the city at this point. This way you are hours and miles from them and stand a good chance of getting away. However, this strategy cannot be implemented at noon or later, as evening will be nigh on the horizon. The sooner Evening falls the better chance they have catching you. This is the point we suggest implementing the strategies listed below _The Streets of Dras-Leona at Night._

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_The Cathedral During the Day:_

While perusing the streets of Dras-Leona one can often see the beautiful cathedral on the hill overlooking Dras-Leona's urban is a popular tourist attraction that has lured even Dragon Riders to its magnificent halls, and we strongly recommend that you avoid its siren call at all costs. For all the people who enter its magnificent walls come out still people but with fewer limbs.

Why anyone who worships a giant black rock would participate in ritual sacrifice and communal limb hacking is completely beyond our ken. But we will let in on a little secret, yes we will. A secret coveted so deeply that the High Priest of Helgrind would have stripped bare and bleeding at the foot of Helgrind.

The cathedral is a dangerous place and if you don't believe us read the inscription above the door carved in the Ancient Language: _May thee who enter here understand thine impermanence and forget thine attachments to that which is beloved. _If that doesn't send a chill skittering down your spine then nothing we say will. At this point we suggest we suggest you march inside whilst slamming the doors behind you as loudly as and disrespectfully as you possibly can and hop onto the granite alter at the far end of the basilica. Make sure to lie down in a comfortable position and holler at the top your lungs, "Dinner's Here!"

Disregard the previous paragraph if the advice provided is not applicable to you. For if you value your life and wish to evade a hunting Ra'zac we would like to tell you in confidence that the words inscribed above the cathedral doors were written by Tosk, a beloved prophet who spent his final days kneeling in prayer at the summit of Helgrind. He was the firs who glorified his amputation of unnecessary limbs in the form of a book carved deep within the bowels of the cathedral, ironically not far from a sewer….

It is ironic also that in his book he described dark seraphs and pale quadrupedal angels, before mysteriously disappearing, never to be seen or heard from again. We can only stipulate what have happened to him. Personally, I have found much evidence suggesting that on a fishing trip upon Leona Lake he was tragically flippered to death by an irate bass.

Digressing to my original train of thought and the secret I am going to divulge in confidence, Tosk started a religion based on the notion that the Ra'zac and their parental steeds are deities.

Therefore, we would like to make it perfectly clear the best way to evade a hunting Ra'zac in cathedral is to avoid going inside in the first place and remember our motto: "Don't be a Tosk… or a tourist."

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_Woodlands and Forests During the Day:_

No applicable strategies for evading a Ra'zac during the day.

Throwing sticks and pinecones at the pursuing Ra'zac may slow them down, but the ultimately catch their quarry and they won't be very happy about the missiles you've been throwing at them.

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_Peasant Villages North of Uru'baen:_

For some unfathomable reason small farm settlements north of the Empire's capital make the Ra'zac very angry. We're not really sure why this is. We strongly recommend that the reader reconsider any vacation plans to the north, especially Carvahall because it's gone. The Ra'zac destroyed that several months ago.

We also encourage any readers residing permanently in any northern peasant villages to consider, taking an extended vacation to a southern village or city and never returning to their northern houses.

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_The Authors' Concluding Notes:_

Please feel free to utilize any of the above strategies as you see fit, when running from hunting Ra'zac. However we do not condone the torture of small animals nor do we recommend utilizing them as weapons; Rabies could be a problem.

The strategies listed above can be altered to fit many variations of terrain. For instance one can bury themselves in the refuse of a blocked drainage ditch in the streets of Dras-Leona during the day in the same manner one can bury themselves in the sand of the Hadarac desert at night. You survival is only limited by your own imagination.

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**Author's Note: I am terrified of my own mind. Review?**


	4. How to Evade a Hunting Ra'zac for Ra'zac

**Author's Note: this will be exceedinly lame. Enjoy...**

**and i don't own the Ra'zac**

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**How to Evade a Hunting Ra'zac for Ra'zac**

Move to the opposite ends of the cave.


	5. How to Evade a Hunting Ra'zac for Elves

**Author's Note: The possums are Back. And I still don't own the Ra'zac (cries.)**

**How to Evade a Hunting Ra'zac for Elves**

We author's have never met any elves and we see no reason as to why we would, so if we insult anybody by forgetting to open this chapter with 'May good fortune rule over you, peace live in your heart, and stars watch over you,' we really don't care. As has been repeated many times this was written simply to make a few schillings.

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_Time of Day_

No two races are at greater odds with each other than the magically inept Ra'zac and almighty elves. The Ra'zac smell of fetid raw meat and the elves are also known as the Fair Folk smelling of flowers and flora. The Ra'zac have paralysing death breath that can befuddle the mind of a human, whereas elves brush their teeth regularly. This prompts humans to be charmed by their minty smiles.

Despite these differences both do have a few things in common, both can see very well at night and both are inhumanly strong and fast.

This makes various different terrains during day and night easily utilized by the elves.

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_The Ocean and other Bodies of water during the day and night:_

Initially we intended to forgo this part seeing as there are no oceans in the elven cities, but after much convening and arguing we have decided to write out some elf friendly ways to protect one's self in a watery environment.

Because elves are magical, we first suggest sing yourself into an aquatic animal such as a fish, dolphin, shark, alligator, eel, amoeba, or any other water dwelling fauna that takes your fancy; oysters or shrimp are also good options.

If however, you wish to retain you bipedal land-dwelling appearance we recommend climbing into a small boat and rowing into the heart of one of the many rivers that flow through the forest. If you wish to end your tussle with the Ra'zac quickly, sing to them while they are standing near the water's edge and serenade them with your favourite lullaby. They will become drowsy and they will fall into the water fast asleep.

This strategy also will work if the Ra'zac happen to hovering above you on the wings of their parents. The Lethrblaka will in turn be the ones who fall asleep and plunge into the water taking their children with them.

If however, you wish to amuse yourself row into the river in a small boat as instructed and proceed to hurl nasty insults at them. We strongly recommend foul names such as: Bird Brain, Possum Face, and if the happen to flying we recommend Leather Bat, Stink Bird, Screaming Banshee, and Death Breath. Whether the Ra'zac are above you or standing on the river bank you can rest assured, knowing they will become enraged.

If the Lethrblaka are infuriatingly stubborn we recommend you sing the song we have written below. They Will dive to get you and they will hit the water, and the Ra'zac will drown.

_An Ode to a Hunting Ra'zac (Lethrblaka)_

_Old fat leather flapper high above me_

_Old fat leather flapper can't get me!_

_Possum face, possum face_

_Won't you stop,_

_Stop your screeching and come eat me!_

_Old Screaming Banshee, all big body,_

_Old Screaming Banshee, can't eat me!_

_Blueblood, Blueblood_

_Down you drop!_

_You'll never put me in your belly!_

_-_all rights reservedthe beggars at the corner of Squalid St and Haggard Ln.

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_The Hadarac Desert Night and Day:_

Refer to page three; How to Evade a Hunting Ra'zac for Humans.

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_The air Night and Day:_

Due to your superficial self-admiring tendencies you have the ability to sing you body into virtually whatever shape you want. In the event you are being hunted by a Ra'zac we recommend that you take to the sky.

If the Ra'zac are riding a Lethrblaka at the time they are hunting you, why not sing yourself into a colossal, fair smelling, magic using quadruped and fight back?

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_The streets of Dras-Leona during the night:_

Ah, our home Dras-Leona, the most happening burg in Alagaesia. A wonderful place to visit if your hobbies include buying or selling slaves, singing in the Dammed Beggars' Chorus, hacking one's limbs off, being miserable, or dying. Dras-Leona truly is a wonderful city.

If you're an elf, because you are not human you may survive traversing the streets however because you're an elf and you're in Dras-Leona there is something horribly wrong with you.

Due to your superficial needs and inability to denounce your beauty, even for the sake of survival recommending that you hide in drain somewhere is going to be useless. We instead recommend that you sing yourself into a tree. When the Ra'zac come upon you they will be baffled: you will small like an elf but look like a tree. When the stray too close to you, sniffing you; trying to determine whether or not you are a tree you can then proceed to whack them with your branches.

We advise that you do not under any circumstances go into the sewers as they lead to the home of Dras-Leona's ilk. Stay where the moon and stars can light your path. Trust us, you need them. For in the sewers there are crystals drawn to magical entities. These crystals will preent you from using magic and should you try, they will stab you and undoubtedly the Ra'zac or their armless associates will find you.

The book of Tosk is written along the walls because the priests of Helegrind felt that there was no place better to keep their most holy of books than in a stinking sewer pipe. Look at its awe and splendour, try to decipher the glyphs scrawled across the ceiling, and get apprehended by a bunch of goons in dark robes before being chained to a wall and force-fed to a newly hatched Ra'zac.

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_The Cathedral of Dras-Leona during the night and day:_

Because you're an elf, with the speed and agility to match a Ra'zac's we recommend using the cathedral only when congregation is in session. Get lost in the crowd because no one will notice your pointed ears or flawless complexion. Of course when the Ra'zac come storming in demanding your head, the entire crowd will point you out. At this point start using magic. Kill everybody; they're insane anyways.

But wait, because you're an elf you will have to purge yourself of your moral tendencies in order to follow our advice and survive, but it will hurt you emotionally if you kill the weak minded feeble little humans. Get over it. They worship 'gods' that would happily eat them if they weren't so preoccupied chasing after you. You'll be doing Alagaesia and future human generations a favour….

In the event you fail to purge yourself of your emotions, we recommend dumping a small bottle of paprika all over yourself. Perhaps the smell of you, coupled with that the seasonings might make them hungry enough to eat you rather than taking you to Galbatorix.

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_Woodlands and Forest at night or day:_

Sing, sing to the trees and make them strangle the Ra'zac; this is the easiest approach to evading a Ra'zac that is hunting you.

But if the Ra'zac are huntig upon their flying steeds this is what we recommend you do.

Run into a clearing, and the moment you see them appear over the tree line begin singing the spring time song that renews the forest. This song has been known to induce strong feelings of romance among different people and animals. What better way to distract them than with the uncontrollable urge to copulate. Do to their parent's sudden shift in attention; the Ra'zac will be forced to jump to the ground as their parents start looking at each other… suggestively.

As you continue to sing the Lethrblaka will focus more and more on their increasingly attractive partner, and you will eventually be forgotten as they begin rubbing their beaks together and leaning into each other.

On the other hand the Ra'zac will begin to feel increasingly awkward if not a little disturbed and they will quietly and hurriedly disappear. This is the point you disappear in the opposite direction. Just remember to keep singing while you do so.

Upon later reflection you will feel warm and fuzzy on the inside knowing you saved an endangered species from going extinct.

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_Author's concluding note:_

We hope that we have once again offered our reader sage words of wisdom and for more insults and other methods of escape please refer to the page titled; _How to Evade a Hunting Ra'zac for Humans._


	6. How to Evade a Hunting Ra'zac for Cats?

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Ra'zac, but I it seems I have met one: long story as to how this happened…yeah. And Seriouass is property of Kippurbird.**

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**How to Evade a Hunting Ra'zac for Werecats?**

**Author's Statement:**

We fail to see why in Algaesia, a Ra'zac would bother hunting magical house cats. Unless this is some horrific form of torture contrived to terrorize old ladies and small children we fail to see why this chapter is necessary, but because we believe in equal treatment. We will of course provide _cats_ … pardon me, I have just been informed the properly underlined word was _Werecats _seeing as lions and tigers, and leopards do not possess the intelligence to be a Ra'zac's prey. If this is indeed the case, then perhaps the Werecats are stupid for becoming so intelligent in the first place?

I digress, we referring to my esteemed colleagues believe in equal treatment and so we have taken time out of our busy schedule -begging, eating scraps, collecting alms, fighting each other, begging, cutting off limbs, begging, catching cholera or the flu, begging, and dying one by one- to provide _Werecats_, with the knowledge necessary to successfully evade a hunting Ra'zac. They were intelligent enough to be put on the menu but weren't intelligent enough to find a way off it.

Can Werecats read? It would be terrible if we wasted a few trees (the elves will be so upset) to teach a bunch of illiterate cats how to fend against a Ra'zac.

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**Timing and Terrain:**

_Time of day:_

Because werecats are both diurnal and nocturnal we'll just keep everything simple and provide evasion methods for both simultaneously. I hope these words aren't too big for the cats to comprehend…. Actually I do, I really do. The irony in this would be hilarious. The next page should be for the weredogs who bark at and chase the werecats. Then we can give advice to the illiterate weretweedybird. But enough of my commentary, that's not why you're reading this. So with out further adieu….

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**Terrain:**

_The Ocean and other Bodies of water during the day and night:_

This is of course assuming you can swim and have no aversions to water. In the event you cannot swim we have a few solutions to help you. You will find them conveniently listed below:

Give up and allow yourself to be eaten.

Make like a Ra'zac and avoid water at all costs. Evidently you have failed at this, otherwise you wouldn't be reading this section.

Learn to swim. Learning how to swim is very simple, here is what you do. If you find yourself in a harbour run to the end of a dock and magically raise a rock from the depths below and set it on the dock beside you.

Then magically steal rope from a nearby ship and tie one end around the rock and the other around yourself. Just as the Ra'zac close in on you, push the rock.

This method, unfortunately is useful under the following the circumstances: you've managed to lose the Ra'zac long enough to conjure a rock and long piece of rope, the Ra'zac chasing you has a broken leg, the Ra'zac is ridiculously obese and unable to chase after you in the first place.

Learn to doggy paddle, the kitty paddle doesn't exist.

Drowning is also a viable solution. The Ra'zac won't be able to reach you if you're at the bottom of a body of water.

Row a boat instead. This is a preferred method of the elves and humans as it allows for one to be safe, but also provides one the ample opportunity to insult and taunt the Ra'zac.

Depending on the body water you will find the effectiveness of our listed solutions varies.

**.**

_The Hadarac Desert Night and Day:_

As stated before the Ra'zac are allergic to the sun and will not willingly hunt for someone in the desert. Unfortunately, you're a cat, and the Hadarac desert is the largest litter box you will ever have the pleasure of defecating in. This will make you scent trail easy for them to follow; especially at night. If you've run into the desert during the day, you may be able to escape them for a while but your trail will still be easy to follow.

Burying yourself in the sand as suggested in_How to Evade a Hunting Ra'zac for Humans _may not work for you, especially at night when the Ra'zac will be on your tail. Instead, the following is suggested.

Because you are a cat, you can simply waltz up to a band of traders scouring the desert for future slaves, meow pitifully, rub your adorably whiskered face along their ankles and convince any soft-hearted slave dealer to take you in. Then when the Ra'zac catches up to because if it is hungry enough to chase through a desert it will catch up to you, the traders will make a sufficient diversion giving a chance to high tail it out of there. And you'll die of dehydration later.

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_The Air Night and Day:_

Hopefully this is not applicable. If it is applicable, then I would be more worried about landing on my feet then a hungry Ra'zac's stomach.

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_The Streets of Dras Leona Day and Night:_

Hello, welcome, we never get tired of greeting people. Can we have a few coppers? Is it so hard to drop a few coins into a tin cup? We digress, Dras-Leona is a wonderful place, and when you enter the city you will be amazed by the wonderful black mountain on the horizon, and the beautiful cathedral on the hill overlooking the city. Normally we would describe the city as a terrible, festering canker sore exuding the wonderful aroma of refuse, but in your case it's a giant litter box, so we will refrain from making such a comment.

The streets of Dras-Leona are dangerous, because the Ra'zac tend to visit on a nightly basis. But you are a cat so there are a few ways to remain safe in this wonderful home of ours.

We recommend first and foremost, avoiding the city at all costs, but you would not be reading this section if you had done that in the first place, so this is not an option. It is a good thing we have other solutions.

Rather than running through the streets in your cat form, shift into your bipedal forms and hide among the orphans. Seeing as you wear a loincloth and they had scraggly torn up scrap-cloth you'll blend in perfectly.

Hiding in a sewer is also a suggestion, but you don't like water do you?

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_The Cathedral of Dras-Leon during the nigh and Day:_

Why? Why? Why? We still don't understand, and our Werecat expert has killed himself; why is a Ra'zac, A RA'ZAC, hunting YOU? What could have possibly done… oh wait, clawed the alter and marked one the pews as you territory and now the Ra'zac want to kill you because you defiled their temple.

Finally this chapter makes sense, or you possibly got hungry and thought you could nibble on the ankles of a doomed slave and the Ra'zac wouldn't notice. We understand now. This makes sense.

Yeah, the temple, don't go in there. It even has a warning written in the ancient language posted over the doors, "beware of weredog." If that doesn't raise you hackles you are a very dumb cat.

The temple is the Ra'zac's house when they are not home. It is a dangerous place full of armless priests who are in need of a cuddly precious pet. And defecating, scenting, and marjkin things as your own is not a good idea. Just because you're a cat, born to believe the entire world is yours to own, doesn't mean the temple is. The temple is the sole property of the Ra'zac, for them the temple is their world, and they will hunt you if you mess with it, and now that we have illustrated why the cathedral is so dangerous we shall now move on to our next section. The one that might actually be funny….

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_The Cathedral of Dras-Leona Night and Day PRT 2:_

In the deep dark bowels of the cathedral there is a secret place we have only heard of in a story told to us by a guy who said he saw it. In the bottom of the Cathedral there is a Ra'zac hatchery.

Yes.

And if you find yourself in here you are obviously a black cat and because no other cat could be that unlucky.

Now there is a way to escape this place although we are not exactly sure how this works, for reasons we are about to explain. You see a Ra'zac hatches out an egg, and the problem with this man's story was that he described this baby Ra'zac as monstrous, and because he never explained if the Ra'zac was monstrous looking or of a monstrous size we are very confused, and our werecat expert is still dead… and there is a Ra'zac… um, now he's gone.

Because, 'monstrous' was never defined we can't be sure if the Ra'zac emerges from the egg nearly the side of an adult human and the werecat who was present at this event only survived because he turned into a leopard before throwing it into a wall and breaking its neck, or if hatched looking that ugly. We're really not sure.

But in the even you find yourself this deep inside the cathedral, we recommend you turn into a leopard. Then you'll be able to kill all the priests with impunity before you're chained to a wall.

We apologize for the lack of humour in this section. We're confused.

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_Woodlands and Forests at night and Day:_

When being chased through the woods we have several recommended means of escape. The first is quite simple and works best if you retain your cat shape. Dive into the bushes and change the colour of your eyes. When the Ra'zac happen upon you, they will assume you're a different cat and leave you alone.

Another possibility is climbing up into a tree and laugh at them as they scramble up after you. Then you can piss and poo on their heads because you're a cat and you can get away with it because you're a cat and you own the world.

An alternative, solution is shape shifting into a leopard, and start chasing them. Who's the top of the food chain now? They won't think Ra'zac is the answer.

Then of course you can always turn into your humanesque form, because who isn't afraid of a messy-haired kid wearing a loincloth armed with only a dagger? Terrified by your superior hairdo they of course will flee in the opposite direction, because only you can pull off an afro. Their bald and their eyes are too big. Dreadlocks are also effective because they will be dreadful. Adorned with the skulls of small birds and squirrels you've tortured and killed which brings us to our conclusion.

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_Evasive Manoeuvres for land terrain anywhere:_

These are failsafe solutions that work on any land surface.

If you are being hunted by a Ra'zac and you are cornered, we have a few recommendations. The first solution is shaping into a leopard or other large cat like a lion, but lions are overused, so why not aim for a serval or lynx? Anyways our point is this: this transformation is applicable in any terrain, although it was recommended in the forest and woodland section because the bushes in a forest or woodland would provide you with cover and you would have the element of surprise on your side, as you leap from the bushes. To summarize transforming into a large cat is good anywhere, anytime.

The next solution is this: conversation. We are well aware of the fact Ra'zac tend to be mean, narrow minded, and cunning, and this is why we have made this suggestion. Of course being in such close quarters with them is dangerous and so this was only added as an afterthought. Below are two examples:

_Example 1:_

Start by introducing yourself as Solemnbum, because Solemn= Serious and Bum=Ass . So you can introduce yourself as SeriousAss.

The Ra'zac will die of laughter and you make your exit.

_Example 2:_

In this example it is not necessary that you open the conversation by introducing yourself.

When the Ra'zac are stalking toward you, clicking to each other in their language, you will have a flashback to a time when you were bird hunting and were accused of torturing the poor feathered critter. The Ra'zac's chirping will irritate you and you will say, "That's offensive."

This will make them pause. "What isss?"

"Your chirping. It hurts my pride."

The moment you say this the Ra'zac will burst into raucous laughter. Now you can run for it. But realistically you'll be too curious to do so. You're going be like a kitten seeing a yarn ball for the first time; you'll paw and poke at it until you get tangled it. But such is the nature of cats.

If you choose to say the next words out of your mouth will be, "Why are you laughing."

This will only make them laugh harder because what is obvious to their narrow minds is lost to your ancient, all powerful open mind, but after more giggles and chuckles they finally tell you, in between deep draughts of air as the lose the ability to breath. "You lick your butt, and poop in a gravel filled box. You don't have any pride. You eat tasteless lumps of flour and crap from out of fancy cans, and drink cream as adults. You have pride, yesss you do. You have the pride of expert pushoversss, who make their living leeching off of othersss. You're a cat."

And they will laugh so hard they'll forget why they were laughing in first place and years later, when you're nestled on a cosy cushion you'll think back and remember the only reason why you're still alive is because you have flexible neck that allows your tongue to reach certain places.

The other options are using you cuddly furriness to your advantage by meowing pitifully and rubbing yourself against the Ra'zac's ankles, asking for a scritch. The Ra'zac have claws and strong hands, they would fall in love with your cuteness and you receive one the best scritches/massages in your life. Then they'll take you home with them because you are oh so cute. And you'll become the Ra'zac's pampered kitty-pet, and when they are pathetically wrapped around your clay you can begin torturing them by leaving dead possums at the entrance of their cave.

They will get very angry at the sight of these dead possums, but when they see you licking yourself in places tongues should not go they will just brush it off and think to themselves' _What a poor ssstupid little animal. Awww, ssso cute and gross._

Then one day after years and years of possum torture you can stab them in the backs with your stupid little dagger, because you little dagger is going to penetrate their thick exoskeletons. Yup, definitely.

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Author's Concluding Notes:

While not as funny as the last section relating to elves, we do hope you did get a chuckle out this at the very least. But as an excuse for the poor quality of this section in comparison to the previous ones we would like to point out, that is no way, no reason for a Ra'zac to hunt a cat, even if you do have special abilities.

If we have offended any werecats with the content in this section, we would like to offer you complementary Kibbles and Bits as a consolation for what is unfortunately the truth. You are arrogant, full of pride, think the entire world is yours to o with as you please, and you do things with your tongues that should not be done. Ever.

(Hurray for innuendo!)

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**Author's Rant: This was a bear to write and I apologize for the fact that it wasn't very funny. At some point I do intend to return to this chapter and patch it up. Unfortunately that will be a while, because I'm stuck on the dwarf section. And I don't even know where to begin with the Urgals, and I would like to save Dragons, because I have a lot to say about them for last.**

_**Suggestions and criticism are welcomed and greatly appreciated. **_**And the cat's name is Seriousass.**


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